Nero

The mess he left behind 

The Roman emperor Nero (r. 54-68 A,D.) may not have been the worst Roman emperor ever. Many people seem partial to Caligula (r. 37-41 A.D.), but I think the laurel wreath goes to Nero. Our sources tell us that Caligula threatened to make Incitatus, his favorite horse, a consul. But Nero has been charged with "fiddling while Rome burns" during the great fire of 64 A.D. 

So I think Nero wins when it comes to one-liners. When it comes to gruesome stories, I admit it's close, but Nero did have his mother murdered, and that's hard to top. 

Let me focus on two main charges.

First, Nero had an edifice complex. It's possible that he was trying to outbuild his ancestor Augustus, who founded the Roman empire and built a lot of buildings. The ancient historian Suetonius reports that Augustus said, "I found Rome built of bricks; I leave it clothed in marble." (Suetonius, Augustus, 28.)

Nero certainly built a lot of buildings. And he may not have set Rome's great fire of 64 A.D., but his detractors were happy to suggest that the fire cleared the way for a signature project, something called the Domus Aurea, or golden house, which was a very large palace complex in the heart of the city. (After his death the golden house was systematically dismantled and overbuilt by various structures, including the Colosseum.) 

My second charge against Nero is that he was stage-struck. He loved entertainment of all kinds, including gladiatorial contests. And he was't just an impresario and a fan, he was a participant. It appears he was actually pretty good at the lyre, which is where the "fiddling" line comes from. (There were no violins in ancient Rome.) 

In 67 A.D., Nero traveled to Greece and participated in the Olympics. At his request, the organizers had expanded the games to include artistic as well as athletic events. He played the lyre, he acted in plays, and he participated in the chariot races. Interestingly, every time he was a participant, he won. 

Needless to say, all these buildings and all these shows cost a lot of money. When it came time to pay the piper, Nero responded the way people like him seem always to do - he passed the buck, raising taxes and also demanding that individuals fund his events out of their own pockets. 

Nero's games had made him very popular with the people, but the rich and the merely well-to-do didn't take it kindly when he started squeezing their pocketbooks. One thing led to another, and after a while, Nero found himself entirely isolated. There's a memorable scene, which may even be true, when he wakes up one night and discovers that his palace guard and all his courtiers have disappeared. He goes looking for someone, and finds no-one. Returning to his chamber he finds his servants have disappeared, taking with them his bedding. A trifle eerie. (Suetonius, Nero, 47.)

It was a short step from there to Nero's suicide. I'll spare you the panic, and the blood.

The Year of the Four Emperors: 69 A.D.

The worst thing Nero did was die without a well-positioned, competent successor. The squabbling that ensued was essentially a civil war with more than two sides. At the beginning, it looked like things might go smoothly. Galba, who was governor of Hispania (roughly Spain), was proclaimed emperor by the Senate, took his own sweet time getting to Rome, and then proceeded to alienate just about everyone in sight. His ally Otho, who had been governor of Lusitania (roughly Portugal), became thoroughly alienated; at Otho's direction a small group of praetorian guards assassinated Galba in the forum, and Otho became emperor for three months. Vitellius, who commanded the troops along the Rhine, decided to turn the situation into a free-for-all and marched on Rome. Otho led an army out to meet him in northern Italy, was defeated, and committed suicide. Vitellius became emperor and lasted for eight months. 

Meanwhile Vespasian, who had been fighting a war in the middle east, decided to pile on. His troops defeated Vitellius at a battle near Cremona in northern Italy and then moved on to Rome, where they occupied the city against a formidable resistance by the Roman population. During the course of this chaos, a detachment of Vespasian's troops located Vitellius, killed him, and threw his body into the Tiber. 

And the Senate recognized Vespasian as emperor. And things finally quieted down. Vespasian ruled for ten years, dying in 79 A.D. He was succeeded by his sons Titus (r. 79-81) and Domitian (r. 81-96). 

Lessons for our time

If some of Nero's behavior reminds you of Donald Trump, you are not alone.  At least Donald didn't murder his mother. But the edifice complex and the obsession with theatrics rather than substance strike me as strong parallels. 

Nero was even planning to give Rome a new name - Neropolis.  (Suetonius, Nero, 55.) But he ran out of time. 

And there's the tendency to hire second-raters. Why the hell did Nero put Galba in charge of Hispania? If Galba had been halfway good at his job, he'd have been able to transition into the emperor's chair and carry on the empire. Instead he blew his chance, and the result was bloody chaos.

Trump will go. I don't know when, and I don't know how, but I know that he will go. What will we do then?  

The painting directly above shows Vitellius being hustled through the streets of Rome just before his death. By Georges Rochegrosse, 1883.

See also Move Fast and Break Things, The Tool of Thiel in Thule, A World in Ruins, Is Charisma a Chimera? Hector at Troy, On Demagogues, Send in the Englottogastors, What the Greeks Knew.