Trump as Dracula

How do I make this funny?

Okay, let's face it. Trump is not funny. Ridiculous, yes. Fart jokes abound, and then there are the various forms of actual incontinence. But I find myself feeling slimy.

I really like the idea of Trump sucking blood out of the neck of the American people. Good visual image - two puncture points, etc. - but frankly it's not funny.

There's also the Nosferatu angle. In the 1922 movie, Count Orlok (the vampire in this version of the story) shows up in a coastal town in northern Germany and brings with him the plague. Lines up with the saying that everything Trump touches dies. 

I could go on. The cabinet members who all have two little puncture marks on their neck, and are also busy sucking all the blood from the American people, who, at the end, all look very white.

But it's not funny.

Then I found the little guy at the top of this story. I've never seen him in person, but he sits on a low wall next to a castle in Budapest, and he's perhaps 18 inches tall. He's actually a bit famous. He's not just Dracula, he's also Bela Lugosi, the Hungarian actor who played the vampire in the 1931 movie Dracula. (The sculptor, Mykhailo Kolodko, has developed a specialty of making small statues which often have a humorous side. They're all over Budapest. For more, click here.) 

I find it hard to get scared of a vampire who's not much bigger than a bat. And it's clear that he's only thirsty for knowledge. 

What is he reading in that enormous book? Perhaps he's reading about a fellow called Vlad the Impaler, who may or may not be a distant relative. Or he may be reading the collected works of Calvin and Hobbes, possibly with appendices summarizing the works of Locke and Luther.

For comparison, here's a picture of Donald Trump holding up what's reliably said to be a bible. If you're into semiotics or iconography, you may notice that the book is not open, and he is not reading it. Instead he is brandishing it as a weapon. That's about Donald's speed - and this is back then, before he completely lost his marbles.  

So I finally found a way to see Dracula as funny. However, I failed in my larger quest. Donald Trump is simply not funny. Ridiculous, pathetic, and - let's face it - frequently terrifying. But he will never provide the cathartic release of humor. And I think that is possibly his greatest failing. In the end, I don't think you can win in this country if your team is composed entirely of sour, dead-end haters. There aren't enough of them.

Many strongmen have ruled countries and empires by terror for very long reigns. Just look at Joe Stalin. But, in America today, I don't think that flies. People used to refer to Reagan's act as fascism with a smile. And I think that was his competitive advantage.

Some may argue for the cathartic release of tragedy, but Trump is no Hamlet, or even Macbeth. His shtick lacks moral gravity, and provides no resolution. 

On to the dung heap of history, Donald. You'll be happy there, surrounded by excrement, straw, dead mice, and the pervasive odor of corruption.

Bonus item: Here's a picture of Frank Rizzo's face being erased. The mural was located in Philadelphia's Italian Market. People who didn't like Rizzo kept defacing it, and eventually the people responsible for maintaining it gave up. I've often called Rizzo Philadelphia's first fascist mayor. He still has many admirers in Philadelphia, but his mural is no more.

News flash: Facebook reports that someone has stolen the little Dracula/Bela Lugosi statue in Budapest. Why would anyone want to do that? You certainly wouldn't want this little creature flitting around your bedroom in the night. I hope all turns out well, and there are no puncture holes in the felons' necks. (Now there are reports that the artist may have removed the statue for maintenance.) 

One very final thought: “You can fool all the people some of the time and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time.” According to Time magazine, Abraham Lincoln probably never said this. And the current occupants of the White House have clearly never given any thought to the idea that there were limits to the effectiveness of their mendacity. But the statement strikes me as a core truth about the American people, to be ignored at your peril.

See also Unleashing the Oligarchs, The Face of Fascism, Little Karl, Somotomo, The 800-Pound Gorilla in the Oval Office, Is Elon Musk a Vampire?